Konoha Barbecue Wars Chapter 6

Akamaru growled quietly as he felt Kiba's belly once again bump into him; that was the third time since they'd left that last restaurant. Shrugging off the overstuffed sphere (and causing it to jiggle slightly in the process,) he growled again, continuing to walk beside his partner. This time, the growl was loud enough for Kiba to hear, and he turned his head to his friend. "Ah, crap; did my gut bump into you again, Akamaru?" At Akamaru's affirmative growl, the Inuzuka chuckled apologetically, ruffling the dog's head. "Sorry about that, boy; this thing has a mind of its own!" To emphasize, he grabbed what he could of his massive midsection and lifted it up, holding it like that for a few seconds before letting it drop back down, laughing as it bounced and jiggled with the movement. "See what I mean?"

Akamaru barked humorlessly. Considering that it's almost big enough to fit a human baby in there, you might not be too far off. His ears perked up suddenly as both he and Kiba heard a very familiar giggling. Both turned their heads to the side, groaning as they saw what was making the noises.

Naruto, shockingly, had barely teased Kiba at all during their trek from the steak joint. Instead, he had spent much of his time playing with his belly as he walked/waddled through the streets. Rubbing it, jiggling it, lifting it up for the world to see before letting it drop down, even occasionally wiggling a finger inside his exposed navel… it all seemed to provide no end of amusement for the blonde, if his idiotic grin and giggling were anything to go by.

Akamaru sighed. Still, it could be worse; you could be acting like a total idiot and treating your stomach like a big plaything. If I had to choose between that and having to keep you and your big gut steady, I'd choose the crutch duties any time. As if on cue, Kiba suddenly stumbled, and Akamaru braced himself as both the dog-nin and his distended belly tilted in his direction. Akamaru tilted slightly on his feet as the oppressive weight leaned against him, but he held his ground.

Kiba winced, before smiling nervously. "Every time?"

Akamaru sighed again. Every time. He let out a relieved sigh as Kiba awkwardly righted himself. So, anyway, where are you two going to gorge yourselves this time?

Frowning contemplatively, Kiba scratched his head, apparently thinking. "Huh, ya know, that's a good question. I actually think Naruto and I have blown through all the barbecue places, but there's a ton of stands and stalls that are offering  a ton of different kinds of foods. Maybe we'll try one of those…" His head twisted in Naruto's direction; the blonde boy was currently shaking his belly and giggling, though whether at the size of it or the sensations of it being jiggled was anybody's guess. "Honestly, though, I don't care where we go next; the sooner we start eating, the sooner the idiot stops…that."

Grunting in recognition, Naruto's head darted in Kiba's direction. An annoyed scowl was present in his face, though that quickly melted away into another fit of giggles. "Hey, I can't help it! This feels good!"  He gave his stomach a quick shake. "You should give it a try, Kiba; its fun!"

Kiba rolled his eyes. "Thanks, but I think I'll pass. We can't both look like freakin' morons…and don't start with the shirt again!" he snapped as a massive grin broke out on Naruto's face.

"What? I didn't say anything," the other boy replied innocently. "I was just thinking, didn't you used to have a shirt exactly like that way back in the Academy?"

Kiba flushed. "N-no!" he spluttered, actually looking a little embarrassed.

Naruto laughed. "Yeah, that's right; the shirt you wore then had a stupid-looking dog face on it instead of a bone!"

"It was not stupid!" Kiba shot back, raising an angry fist. "Your taste in clothes just sucks, that's all!"

At this, the grin on Naruto's face vanished, replaced with a scowl. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Kiba laughed, the grin now on his face. "I mean, your clothes now aren't bad, I'll give ya that. Better than orange jumpsuits, at any rate!"

Naruto growled, a vein starting to bulge in his forehead. "Yeah?! Well, what about that jacket you used to wear a few years ago? Leave the furry clothing to the girls!"

"Better than the jumpsuit you used to wear," Kiba shouted back, a vein of his own starting to become visible. "It actually looked worse than the one you wear now!"

"Take that back!" Naruto practically bellowed, clenching a fist.

"You wish!"

Akamaru shook his head as the two continued volleying insults. First they were arguing about underwear, and now clothes? Seriously, those two are way too much alike, Akamaru mused to himself, slightly surprised for thinking so. It wasn't often he criticized Kiba in such a manner, but sometimes, it seemed like their tempers just fed off of one another…
Seeing that Naruto and Kiba were in full argument mode, Akamaru merely sighed and continued walking alongside Kiba, ears perking up every now and then as one of the two boys shouted a particularly loud insult:

"At least my jumpsuit doesn't cling to my body!"

"Well, at least mine is actually fitting for a ninja!"

"At least mine doesn't smell like dog!"

Both Kiba and Akamaru bristled at this. The dog-nin growled angrily. "Well, at least mine doesn't smell like…whatever the hell it is you smell like most of the time!"

Yeah, and what's wrong with smelling like me? Akamaru supplied, despite knowing Naruto wouldn't understand.

"H-hey!" Naruto yelled back. "I do not smell! I shower!"

Kiba scoffed. "Yeah, like once every other month?" He burped, but merely rubbed his belly, not taking his eyes off Naruto.

Naruto glared back at him. "No, but at least that would be better than once a year. Right, Kiba?"

"Shut your trap!" Kiba took a swing at Naruto, but ended up missing and almost stumbling due to his belly. Righting himself (and causing his belly to jiggle in the process,) he refocused on Naruto. "Besides, I wash plenty!"

Yeah, we take baths together all the time, Akamaru cut in, offering his support. Kiba flushed slightly at this, but calmed when he remembered he was the only one present who could understand him.

"Heh," Naruto sneered, raising his arms up and folding them behind his head (and bringing his shirt even higher above his belly in the process). "Ya coulda fooled me."

Kiba snarled at him, baring his teeth. "How about you shut your…" he ground to a stop as an idea suddenly came to him. A sly grin came to his face.

"Hm?" Naruto glanced over at the other boy. "You say something, Kiba?"

"Ah, no," Kiba waved him off. A mischevious glint entered his eyes. "I was just sayin', you really shouldn't have put your hands out of the way like that."

"Huh? Why noAAAAH!" Naruto's confused reply was cut off as, without warning, Kiba reached out and shoved him hard in his bloated gut. Frantically removing his hand from behind his head, he waved his arms about, trying to regain his balance, but it was no use; his distended midsection was dragging him sideways, in the direction Kiba had shoved him. "Ah! D-damn it, Kiba!" Naruto cursed, frantically waving his arms as he began toppling over. The Inuzuka only smirked at this, laughing…. Which came to an abrupt stop as Naruto, arms flailing, reached out and grabbed onto the only thing in reach that could possibly steady him.

"H-hey! Leggo of my arm, Naruto!" the dog-nin barked,  a hint of panic in his voice. He tugged as hard as he could to keep himself upright, even as he felt Naruto's combined weight and that of his own stomach begin to exert their considerable pull. Predictably, the distended bellies won out, and Kiba felt himself being pulled down with the blonde. Desperately, he reached out with his other arm and seized Naruto's free arm, pulling on it as hard as he could. In the process, Naruto's body ended up twisting to face Kiba head-on. Of course, this created an even bigger problem, as their swollen guts  pressed into each other, creating an uncomfortable tightness between the two. And, as they pulled on each others' arms-Naruto to pull himself up, Kiba to keep himself from being pulled down-their bellies only squished against each other harder.  Both teens, of course, were all too aware of this situation, if the blushes forming on their faces were any indication.

"Damn it, this just feels wrong!" Naruto cursed, trying harder than ever to pull himself upright even as his belly squished tighter against Kiba's.

For once, Kiba didn't see fit to argue. "H-hey, Akamaru!" he called over to the dog, watching the whole spectacle with an odd stare. "I could really use some help here!"

H-huh? Shaking his head to clear it of the odd haze that had clouded it as the two boys' bellies squashed together, he lifted his ears in alarm. Sorry about that Kiba! I swear, I have no idea what came over me! The dog loped towards the boys, reaching Kiba in only a couple of strides.   Alright, Kiba, gimme your arm!

Kiba's eyes widened at his request; his arms were the only thing keeping him from falling on top of the moron, and Akamaru wanted him to let go with one of them?

The boy mentally kicked himself; Akamaru was only looking out for Kiba, and he wouldn't suggest something if he didn't think it would help.

"Alright!" Letting go with one arm (and causing Naruto's body to swivel slightly and the teen's mouth to start letting off a stream of curses), Kiba reached out towards the dog's head, grunting as he struggled to reach Akamaru. The massive ninken barked constantly in encouragement. That's it…just a little more… Kiba's arm strained as, bit by bit, it moved toward's Akamaru's face.

"Arm's startin' to get tired, Akamaru!" Kiba informed him loudly, though it was out of strain rather than any annoyance.

Akamaru whimpered. Sorry. Just keep it there. Right there. Don't move it, aaaand….

Kiba let out a surprised gasp as Akamaru opened his muzzle, lunged forward, and grabbed the Inuzuka's arm, his mouth tightening in a firm grip; not enough to hurt Kiba, of course, but just enough to hold him steady.

Alright, Kiba, Akamaru woofed around Kiba's hand and forearm, I'm gonna try and pull you up, but you're gonna have to work with me.

In spite of his position, Kiba gave Akamaru a confident smile. "Sounds good to me, buddy!"

…and you're gonna hafta try and pull Naruto up, too.

Kiba's smile abruptly faded. "Well, I guess if I don't have any other choice…" he grumbled.

Akamaru woofed again, his tail wagging a bit. That, and it'd be really hard to pull him back up if he fell.

Kiba laughed, flashing Akamaru another smile. "Yeah; I don't wanna have to drag this dummy up off the pavement."

"I heard that!" Naruto shouted indignantly. "And anyway, what's Akamaru saying to…"

It was at this moment that Kiba and Akamaru began to tug. "Ah! What the hell?!" the blonde protested as he felt his arm being jerked towards the Inuzuka.

"Quit whining, Uzumaki!" Kiba grunted, arm straining with the effort. "Just keep holding on, and don't let go!"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Gee, thanks, Kiba; and here I was thinking I was just gonna let go and fall!"

A vein bulged in Kiba's forehead, and for a second, he was feeling tempted to let the knucklehead fall. It took only a second of thought, though, to realize that letting that happen would be more trouble than it was worth, no matter how funny it would undoubtedly be.  So it was, with gritted teeth, that Kiba resumed tugging in earnest.

Naruto, in turn, tried to let his body slacken as much as possible while still maintaining a tight grip on Kiba's arm, all while Akamaru pulled with all his might. Kiba, caught in the middle, could only pull along with his partner.

They made quite a sight between the three of them: a massive dog with his jaws clamped around one of the arms of a bloated teen, his body (and belly) facing to the side, maintaining a death grip on a similarly bloated teen, the latter's belly pressing against his companion's.

"Any day now, Kiba!" Naruto yelled, beginning to panic as he felt his hand slipping.

Kiba glared at him, and had just opened his mouth to retort when Akamaru once again cut in. Alright, Kiba, listen closely: on the count of three, I want you to  tug as hard as you possibly can. Don't  try tugging him up like this: just jerk him up.

Kiba blinked at the dog before giving a confident grin. "Got it!"

Akamaru took a deep breath through his nostrils steeling himself. Alright, on the count of three: One…

"Two…" Kiba continued, earning a puzzled look from the other boy. "Eh?" Naruto raised his eyebrows. "What're you two…"

"THREE!"

At the same time the last number had been uttered, both dog and dog-nin gave one final, forceful yank. The effects were immediate: with a startled yelp, Naruto was tugged rapidly upright, careening into Kiba in the process and momentarily causing their guts to squish even harder into each other, much to their embarrassment. Together, the two teetered forward slightly, tilting towards Akamaru. Startled, the canine let go of Kiba's arm and  rushed forward, turning his body to the side and catching them both. Akamaru grunted as he teetered a bit, but he held his ground.

After a few very tense seconds of grunting and struggling, Naruto and Kiba both pushed off Akamaru and, waving both their arms wildly at their sides, righted themselves.

Naruto's shoulders sagged in relief. "Oh man, that was too close…" He whipped his head to the side to glare at Kiba. "What the hell was that about, Kiba?!"

Kiba scowled. "What was that about? What about you trying to pull me down with you?!"

"Yeah, like I was gonna just let myself fall!"

"Yeah, but you didn't hafta grab my arm!"

"Oh, what else was I supposed to grab?!"

As the boys argued, they drew closer together, and were starting to raise their fists again.

Akamaru rolled his eyes. Oh, for the love of… Deciding to take matters into his own paws before things got out of hand (well, more than they already were, anyway,) he strode up and jostled his way inbetween the two arguing boys. He winced a bit as he felt both their more-than-considerable guts press into him, but he maintained his composure.

Look, Akamaru barked, in spite of knowing that only Kiba could understand him, It's all well and good you two wanna fight, but unless you want another near-disaster, why don't we just find the next place we wanna eat? That way, you two can argue to your hearts' content once we're seated. He wagged his tail, in spite of his uncomfortable position. Howzzat sound?

Kiba stared at his best friend before laughing. "Sorry about that, Akamaru; yeah, that sounds like a plan." His expression brightened. "Anyway, now that ya mention it, there's a nearby place I wanted to try; it's a new ice cream place, and it just opened."

Akamaru's ears stiffened. Ice cream?

Kiba winked. "Yeah, figured something cool might settle our stomachs. Don't worry," he added, seeing the faint glimmer of longing in the dog's eyes, "I'll get you a big ol' dish of vanilla or something; now, let's go!" Turning, he started lurching off, letting Akamaru trail beside him.

Naruto, who had been completely left out of the exchange, yelled angrily and started waddling as quickly as he could after the two. "What? What did he say? Where're we going? And what was that about settling 'our' stomachs! I sure as hell don't need it settled! Hey! Hey!" He waddled faster, causing his belly to shake up and down.


----
From the top of a nearby building, the three watchers were practically howling with laughter, and it was all they could do not to start rolling on their backs. Oh...dear...lord! The second managed in between peals of laughter, tail wagging rapidly.

Th-their stomachs, the first gasped, slamming the flat of his paw on the roof's surface, th-they were s-so...

A-and when Naruto tripped a-and Kiba and Akamaru had to hold him up... the third hooted, panting for air.

A-and then Akamaru got squished in-between... the second giggled, grinning widely.

Eventually, all three dissolved into giggling and uncontrollable laughter, leaning against each others' sides and panting for air.

"Take a minute guys," their guide buzzed in, "but, uh...not TOO long, OK?"

Can do, boss wolf, the first managed, before all three once again lapsed into hysterical laughter.